The Lessons That Working with the Dying Have Taught Me

The Lessons That Working with the Dying Have Taught Me 

One of the reasons we find death so difficult to accept, process and recover from is that it feels so final. When a loved one dies, all physical trace of him or her is wiped away, leaving behind only memories, photographs, objects they touched, and a trace of their energy. Sometimes their scent or body oil is left behind. I still remember the moment I found a pair of glasses that belonged to my beloved maternal grandfather with his facial oil still lightly smeared on the bridge of the nose pads.

I believe that as your spiritual awareness increases, you view death as a transition to another form of existence. In many ways, I have felt closer to my parents since their passing than when they were still here and with that loss, including other family members, friends and acquaintances, I can not fear death. Although, to be honest, I never have feared it in this lifetime.

As a metaphysician, I “know” that we have lived before this lifetime, and continue to live after this brief time has passed. I am a holistic “hands-on” healer who specializes in the ancient art of color energy healing. Originally, trained as a nurse at a young age, I have been around patients most of my life. You could say that I was born to be in this field of living and dying.
Facilitating the dying to cross over is an interesting and rewarding “career”. One need not be present with the dying person to do healing work with them. 

An acquaintance, Virginia, was connected with the spiritual group I was a part of for eight years during the 1980’s. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer in the early 1990’s and called from the hospital one evening seeking long distance healing. I remember that I was struck by the fact that her voice sounded so alert and not weak. I did, however believe that she was in the dying process and I knew she needed my support. I did long distance healing techniques that included “sending” the violet ray, a color healing technique that is often used during the process of death. I was relieved when I found out that she had peacefully passed over the next morning.

For some people, the dying process is difficult and I believe that religious beliefs or lack of faith can be part of that reluctance. If someone is religious and believes that he or she is going to experience a hellish after-life then it is understandable why they would resist the process. If someone is skeptical and believes that nothing happens after death, and there is no other existence, they often will cling to a belief that life with pain is better than any non-existence that may follow.

I know that my paternal grandfather wanted to believe in a life after death and both he and my grandmother lived until their early 90’s. However, several years prior both of them, literally in unison began to have symptoms of senile dementia. Although, in the beginning they were simply forgetful, they withdrew from eating, had an unawareness of the world around them and a lack of recognition of family members and eventually their bodies shut down. My grandmother passed away two years before my grandfather and I feel that she came to believe that there was indeed a life after death.

Before my grandfather died, I reached out to him as a healer in the out-of-body state to reassure him that my grandmother would be with him after death, as I saw her standing right next to him. But he couldn't see her. He thought that death ended it all, so he was unable to accept she was there and not a dream or illusion. I watched him at the end of his life and it was very sad. But thankfully, since he has passed, he has visited me many times, as does my grandmother. 

My own parents passed away at very young ages and both of their deaths were sudden and tragic. My father died in May,1989 on an early Sunday evening. I remember receiving a phone call later in the evening when I was ironically reading a book on death and the afterlife that was a gift from my mother. He had a cardiac arrest about three hours earlier but because he was alone, it was too late for any intervention. Sadly, an autopsy revealed that he could have been saved by CPR or an electrical jolt from the “code blue” paddles.

I traveled from my home in the San Francisco Bay Area to Sacramento the following morning to make arrangements with my sisters. My father’s death at age 59 was a huge shock to us; there was literally no warning. Our family generally lives to a ripe old age, and this could never have been thought possible to pass away this young. I remember that I was upset that I couldn't feel my father‘s spirit around me. I told a spiritual friend about my inability to feel him and she told me that he was asleep, but fine.

On the day of the funeral, our family arrived at the funeral home to view the body just prior to the service. Obviously, everyone was pretty distressed. My middle sister had a disagreement with him, prior to his death which hadn't been resolved and she felt especially guilty. She wondered aloud if he could hear us. Immediately, we noticed that the halogen light lamp besides his head started to flicker like Morse code. Her husband, with perfect timing said; “ There he is now!” We dissolved in laughter through the tears, because at that moment we knew he still existed. At the funeral, I just knew that he was observing his own funeral service and kept looking over my shoulder because I felt his strong presence. My family reported the same feeling of his being very present.

A few days later, my youngest sister called me in a panic. She said that she and her future husband could feel our father in their living room and didn’t know what to do. At that time, my sister did not believe in the afterlife as being immediate. She believed in an eventual rapture but not the spirit world, per se. However, she couldn’t discount her own impressions, even if they did deviate from her religious beliefs. I told them that I thought that Dad was just stopping by their house to say goodbye since there had not been time for a final farewell.

Tragedy struck again three months later when my mother, who was only 56 years old died. It was a total surprise to everyone, except me---this time. I was at a wedding and out of town that weekend and when I arrived home, I found out that she had fallen in her apartment and broken her wrist. She had called me numerous times on my answering machine at home, but I wasn’t checking in. (We didn’t have cell phones in those days.) She had to call a cab to take her to the hospital which was literally less than a mile away and later returned to her home.

When I arrived home from the weekend away, I listened to her messages and immediately drove to her home. I had a terrified feeling when I entered her place with my key. I had the feeling that she may have died although, logically, I knew that a broken wrist usually doesn’t kill anyone. She was in bed and I began a healing session for her using healing colors. I am grateful that we exchanged “I love you’s”, thank God, for it proved to be the last time I saw her. The next day, I almost drove to her home at lunch time from my work in a corporation, but something held me back. Instead, I spent my lunch break phoning her physicians. My spiritual guides later told me that they had to prevent me from going to her home because they wanted to spare me the horror of finding her body. Evidently, she had gotten very dizzy from the pain medication and fell from the second story balcony to the ground because her pain medications caused acute dizziness. She had fallen during my lunch break and I would have been the one to find her.

I didn’t feel my mother’s spirit right away even though I tried to ‘tune into’ her energies. Intuitively, I discovered that she was resting. When the service was held ten days later, I knew that she was waking up and was able to observe the funeral. My sisters and I drove to her apartment to pack up her things, and all of us felt her presence. I knew it was her way of saying goodbye. A few weeks later my middle sister told me that she heard Mom call her name as she was heading into the shower. Around that time, I woke up one morning and saw her spirit next to the bed, watching it "shimmer" away. In the years following my mother’s death, she has frequently appeared as a consulting guide to me and I also feel my father around me. It is challenging sometimes, especially when I dream of my parents and my grandparents, to remember upon waking that they have passed away. It can take a few moments to acclimate myself to this reality in which they don't currently reside.

When my former father-in-law passed about 5 years ago, I saw him at his funeral standing in front of my former mother-in-law. He looked years younger and had dark hair. I had only known him with gray hair. He was concerned about his widow. A couple of weeks later, he showed up when I was on my sofa and had a message for my son, who was particularly close to him. He has come a few times since with council for the family.

I think my most profound experience with death was with my dear friend, Harriet. In the spring of 2005, she discovered that she had a metastatic brain tumor, with the primary tumors located in the lungs. Although, the brain tumor was easily removed, her lungs were inoperable. She decided to undertake a regimen of radiation after the brain tumor, but that was all. No chemo. I worked with her three hours a day, three days a week using energetic medicine techniques and also doing energetic clearing with Chi Gong therapeutic techniques, of which Harriet was a master. Miraculously, the only time she ever took a Tylenol was when her osteoporosis was acting up and she was completely free of pain medications until her passing. One might wonder why she still passed over with all this healing. The answer to that is she knew it was her time to go, and she told several of us she was leaving about a year before she even developed cancer.

Harriet was originally given only 6 months to live by three different physicians. However she decided to take matters into her own hands and told me she was going to speak with her personal angelic hierarchy, called “The Karmic Board“ about her lifespan. She asked for an extension which was granted. She and I worked together energetically and I learned so much from her. At that time we were both exploring unusual areas of multidimensional healing and we both felt that her extra time was granted for the purpose of leaning more about these sacred energy systems. We talked alot about her being in spirit. There were times, I admit, I was envious of her opportunity to “go home”. Constantly laughing, we dined in the best restaurants in San Francisco and made frequent trips to the Tibet store in the Castro district.

Harriet received her extra year to the month, and she died October of the following year. It was very quick at the end. I held a party for her passing, and we celebrated her life with personal stories about what a wonderful woman she was. Her friends told me that it was the best wake that they have ever attended! She remains an enormous force in my life. She is a remarkable soul, a spiritual master and I miss her physical presence here, although she comes around frequently in different situations.

Through the years working with people who are dying, I have learned a great deal, particularly about living. I would like to offer some of this wisdom to you.

1.) Clear up any energetic blockages in your body; physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. Take good care of yourself. Get to know who you are, and also develop the understanding of your spiritual body.

2.) The only thing of real value is love and you can take this love with you. Do you love well?

3.) If you were to die tonight, did you leave behind people who are better off for knowing you?

4.) Know that there is always life after this life. Remember, when you drop your physical, emotional and mental "bodies" when you die, the only thing that will make the journey to the other side is your soul essence.

5.) . Know that there is a Source of all, no matter what name you call It. No energy is ever obliterated, just shifted. Your essence lives on…to live again on another dimension, another world, and even to live again on this earth.

6.) Live in the present moment as best you can, whether you are dying or not. Being in the present moment creates a strong, powerful energy and aides the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual bodies line up in a laser-like focus in the NOW. 

I have been teaching a class on Transitions in webinar format for a couple of years now. People are wanting this as more and more clients, friends and loved ones are passing over. This will continue to increase throughout the Shift as many are finished, or do not want to go through the earth shifts. It is rewarding work for the person interested in this type of facilitating, and I can tell you that many are thankful for the assistance. I have had many clients, friends and loved ones come back to "visit" to express their gratitude for the help.

c 2009/2012 rev./2013 rev.